The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
