His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
