I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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