I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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