i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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