I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
