I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
