WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
