When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
