You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
