I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
