Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
