a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
