I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
