one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
