I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
