She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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