I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
