If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
