hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
