Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
