your parents love me but you hate me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
