She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
