I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
