remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
