I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
