If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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