sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
