I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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