She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
