went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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