Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
