Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
