Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
