At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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