let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
