listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
