OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
