I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
