so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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