I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I checked into jail on foursquare
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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