dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I could have mohawked her pubes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
