Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
