i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
