I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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