I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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