A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
