You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
