that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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