Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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